Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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