got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
