i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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