FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
