hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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