they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Randomize
