Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
