As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My vagina is officially offended.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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