you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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