Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
