Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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