Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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