based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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