im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
