Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
