Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
