True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
