Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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