The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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