my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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