I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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