I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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