he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
