and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
