Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
