That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
