I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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