I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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