Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
