Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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