Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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