conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
