my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
