I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
"it" just moved
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
