Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
