he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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