i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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