i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
