i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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