I wannas sexs uuuuu
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
