i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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