were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We need to rekindle our bromance
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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