How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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