I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
