I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
