I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
