she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
