Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
