There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
