so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
