it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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