No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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