real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my shit smells like andre
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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