She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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