I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The best revenge is premature balding
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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