i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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