Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
