I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
