i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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