i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Sober January is a disaster.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
