at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
