having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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