we have officially lost it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
