Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
