There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
