Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
