That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
