Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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