My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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