Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
