why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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