You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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