Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It's official drugs can't kill me
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
