Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
