it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize