I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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